Ah, Dry January. The month where you and your liver agree to take a brief, and totally unnecessary, break from your favourite beverage. And as a beer brand, we totally get it. We're all for self-improvement, health kicks, and “challenging yourself” in the name of self-care. But let’s not kid ourselves—it’s also a month where we’re all just quietly grieving the loss of our one true love: O.J. Beer.
So, if you’ve decided to ditch beer this month (and you’re feeling good about it... for now), we salute your noble, but slightly misguided, decision. But just in case you're about to break and grab that cold can from the fridge, here’s our tongue-in-cheek survival guide to Dry January from the perspective of your favourite beer, O.J.
1. Day 1: The "I Got This" Optimism
You’re feeling like a superhero. You’ve shared your Dry January pledge with your social media followers and your friends (they’re both impressed and slightly suspicious of your sudden commitment to "health"). The first 24 hours are a breeze. You go to the store, buy some sparkling water, a couple of kombuchas, and maybe a non-alcoholic beer (for psychological support). You’re like, “This is fine. I’m doing it. I can do this.”
Meanwhile, we’re over here looking at your empty fridge with a sad little tear in our eye. But it’s cool. You do you. We’ll be waiting for you when February 1st rolls around.
2. Day 5: The Temptation Strikes
By Day 5, things are getting... well, a little more real. Your friends are cracking open their ice cold O.J. Pilsener at happy hour, and there you are, clutching your Diet Coke with the same enthusiasm you would a cup of lukewarm water.
Someone offers you a sip of their O.J. Beer. You refuse. "No thanks, I’m good," you say, but inside you're screaming, “Why do you mock me so?!”
At this point, you're probably wondering if you can call it "Dry January" if you just smell the beer. You tell yourself, "It's just one sniff. That’s okay, right?" Spoiler alert: It’s not okay. But we’re not here to judge you. We’re just silently judging you.
3. Day 10: The "What Even Is Life Without Beer?" Crisis
You’ve made it ten days. Ten glorious days of sparkling water. Your skin is glowing, your digestive system is thanking you, and you feel more hydrated than you’ve ever felt in your life. And yet… you’re looking at your fridge, where your beer is, and you begin to wonder: What is the point of living in a world where beer is forbidden?
It’s at this point that you start Googling “non-alcoholic beer,” and we both know why. It’s not about moderation; it’s about desperation. You buy the "best-rated" non-alcoholic lager (because, hey, if it’s in a can, maybe it counts?) and pour yourself a glass.
You take a sip and immediately wonder if you’ve accidentally swallowed a cloud. A very sad, bitter cloud. But, hey, you’re trying. And that’s what matters.
4. Day 15: The Non-Alcoholic Beer Denial Phase
At this stage, you’ve bought so many non-alcoholic beers that your fridge looks like the sad section of a grocery store, and you’ve tried them all. Some of them are pretty close to beer in flavour. Others? Well, let’s just say they’re a brave attempt at recapturing the magic of an O.J. Blanche... if you’ve never had a wheat beer before?
You tell yourself that it’s “good enough.” You sip it and go through the motions. You technically don't miss beer... but, deep down, you know you're just biding your time until you can finally, finally get a sip of something that actually tastes like freedom.
It’s okay. We see you. And we can’t wait to welcome you back with open arms (and an ice-cold bottle of O.J.).
5. Day 20: The "It’s Just a Week Left" Hype
At this point, you’ve made it so far that you’re practically walking on sunshine. Your body feels lighter, your mind clearer, and your friends are seriously impressed. You’ve even been to a party and resisted the urge to shout, "But I’m thirsty!" while clutching your lemonade like it’s your only lifeline.
But deep down, your thoughts keep circling back to that golden elixir of happiness—O.J. Beer. And, not gonna lie, you’ve spent at least an hour researching “how long does it take to detox from alcohol?” because you’re convinced that in the time it takes to finish Dry January, you’ve probably gained a superpower or two. You’re basically a walking health guru now. Your skin is glowing, your energy is through the roof, and your friends are asking you for advice on how to "be as healthy as you."
Still, there’s that one lingering thought: Is this a life I want to live forever?
We get it. O.J. Beer is hard to quit. We’re not saying you should start planning your triumphant return yet, but let’s just say that the end of the month is near, and there’s a small, delightful part of you that can’t wait for February.
6. Day 31: The Final Stretch
Congratulations, you’ve done it. You’ve completed Dry January. You’ve made it through 31 days of denying yourself the one true love of your life. You’ve survived countless social events where people kept offering you “just one beer.” You’ve ignored the voice inside your head that was screaming, “Just have a pint, no one will know.”
But now? Now you’re staring at the horizon with a newfound appreciation for life’s simple pleasures—like a cold O.J. Beer. The temptation is real. And it’s just waiting for you, right there, in your fridge.
And, you know what? You’ve earned it. After 31 days of sparkling water and Coca Cola, you’ve definitely earned that first sip of a perfect O.J. Beer. It’s going to taste so good.
In Conclusion: The Return of the Prodigal O.J. Beer Lover
Dry January may be over, but that doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your beer forever. You’ve had a nice break, a cleansing pause, a chance to hit “reset” on the whole "beer-is-life" mindset. But let’s be honest: You’re just getting warmed up for February, where beer is back on the table (and in your glass, and in your fridge... a lot).
We’ve missed you. And we’re ready to welcome you back with open arms—and even colder cans.
So, go ahead. Crack open a cold one. You’ve earned it.
(And don’t worry, Dry January—you’ll be back next year, ready to tempt us again. We’ll be waiting.)